Sitting down in the middle of the bed
i look up
i look down
i look to the right
to the left
waking up in the middle of the night
sweating all over
i tiptoe to the other room
trying to make sense of this new “fear”
fear that i once thought
has been conquered
fear that i remembered banishing from my kingdom
has once again come to stalk me
leaving me breathless
leaving me blushing
sleeplessness is the new mantra
carefully weighing my words every time
just to make sure i dont blabber
i dwell in this new found misery
like shakespeare’s – to be or not to be
i weigh my options
should i or should i not
just 2 choices
either this or that
but with the power of 1000 elephants in each
i wake up everyday wondering if my castle will come breaking down
or if my castle will have a new occupant
i pick up the phone,
trying to get rid of this once and for all
i dial the number
hoping to get an answer
suddenly i wonder what if?
will i be able to?
why again?
while its no fault of mine
i wish i could put that out of my mind
i put the phone down
crawl back to the bed
whisper to the invisible person infront me
and say “look what you have done”
