The War Within

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I am supposed to be happy,
on the brink of something new,
exciting and life changing,
a moment of unprecedented magnitude;

but here i am sulking,
sad, angry and confused,
it’s as if happiness and sadness
are waging a pitched battle in my mind;

i sat watching, numb, cold and powerless,
as my spirit tried desperately to broker peace,
i feel like i am trapped,
stuck in the middle;

scared inside, the pain refuses to let go,
as my world comes crashing down from within,
i try desperately to claw my way back in,
for one more attempt at life;

a life that has all promises,
a life that is mine to live,
and a life that is meant to happy,
and joyous;

i do not know how, i tried to know why,
but the more i tried, the deeper i plunged
into this war within myself;